Not Right Now
by CuriousLittleBird
Summary: As is obvious, Tea has always admired Yami for his strength, and is secretly in love with him. What happens, however, when she decides to confront him with the truths of her heart? (One-shot) Takes place after the Johnny Steps duel, PG-13 as per request


Author's Note: Two songs that I believe would fit the reading of this piece would be "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton and "Love Will Lead You Back" by Taylor Dayne. The plot of this short fiction is very close to my heart, and so I hope you enjoy it.

Tea walked in step with Yami, away from the dueling arena where Johnny Steps had given up only an hour before. Yami was still flipping through his dueling deck, concentrating on it as he walked. Tea, however, had other things on her mind.

"God," she thought to herself, "he was so strong and so resolute in that duel. So brave...so fearless, so smart..." Her heart swelled with new admiration and new love for the mysterious "other Yugi." She knew that the Yugi she had known all her life had feelings for her. However, the seemingly older, wiser presence within him really intrigued her.

"Yami..." She looked at him, with an unmistakable look of love in her eyes. "I've really enjoyed this time with you."

"I've enjoyed being out as well," Yami said, putting his deck into his pocket and looking at her intently. "I'm glad Yugi asked me to come and spend time with you. It's been...relaxing."

Tea smiled benignly, while her mind ran 15,000 miles a second. Could she tell him how she felt? Would he accept her? Would Yugi mind? Would it hurt either of them? Could she really have a relationship with him? Her stomach flipped and turned inside her, and her heart fluttered, dangerously giddy with delight at the idea.

"Tea? Are you all right?" Yami's resonant voice floated into her ears like audible satin, and she involuntarily shivered.

"I'm---I'm fine, Yami," she lied. Truth be told, she was more nervous than ever. Her hands didn't know what to do with themselves, and her heart had made its way into her throat, throbbing so hard she thought the pulse could be seen through her skin.

Yami, however, seemed to know she wasn't saying how she really felt, and he turned to her, his deep, rich crimson eyes looking up into hers. "Tell me, Tea. What's the matter? I sense that you're very agitated, and I worry for you."

"Um..." Tea fretted inside. Should she tell him? Should she say what she so deeply felt? After a second of deliberation, her heart commanded her to speak, and she looked directly into his eyes.

"Yami...I, uh...I've wanted to say this for a long time, and...uh..."

"Yes?"

"I...I love you, Yami."

There, she had said it. Her love had finally been spoken aloud, for the first time. She locked her eyes on his, the blue depths sparkling with anticipation and giddiness.

Yami stared into her eyes---his face held an inscrutable expression for a few seconds, and then he looked away.

"I...I know," he said, quietly.

Tea's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why did he say 'I know?'" she mentally wondered. Her question was about to be answered.

"Tea, I know I confused you," he said, sighing. "It's just that I have known your feelings for a long time. Yugi knows as well." At her immediate blanching, he quickly added, "It's all right, he understands. We've both known that it would be only a matter of time before you actually told one of us."

Blushing in embarrassment, Tea cast her eyes down shyly. "I was...I was that obvious?" she managed to say, smiling faintly.

Yami managed a little smile as well. "Well, to be honest, yes."

Tea giggled. "So...what do you think about it? I mean...you know..."

In response, Yami looked down, his golden bangs falling gently over his face and shading his eyes slightly. "I...I can't, Tea."

She stood paralyzed for a second, as the reality of his words slowly and painfully sunk in. Her brain tried desperately to right itself, and she stuttered for a few seconds. "But...but—but---I---"

Yami put his hand on her forearm, gently, as if to quiet her. "Tea...please, hear me. I know that you love me, but...I cannot love you."

Had he just said what she thought he said? Tears immediately rose to her eyes, but she fought them. "But, Yami...I---I've cheered for you, and I fought in Yugi's place when he was afraid."

"I know you did," Yami replied, still quiet and solemn.

"And...and I---I stayed with you, and kept my faith in you."

"I know you did." His voice was strangely controlled and still, as if he were fighting a rising tide of emotion in himself.

"Then...then why can't you love me?" Tea asked, her voice rising in pitch slightly with her fear.

"Tea---" Yami started to speak, but stopped himself. Once he had composed himself, he started again. "Tea, I know that it makes no sense to you, but...I do not know enough about myself to be able to love." He paused. "You were there with me when Ishizu told me of my past. I---I cannot remember my past. I cannot remember being in Egypt or ruling as Pharaoh. Other people know more about me than I do, and that is a quite unsettling feeling."

"But...but what does that have to do with love?" Tea asked, her voice gaining a touch of involuntary insistence. Her heart had fallen to her feet, but was slowly rising, and her sense of destined love had been shaken to its core. She knew she sounded selfish and immature, but...it was so natural to ask these things.

Yami looked up into her eyes again, into the blue eyes that shimmered with unshed tears, and sighed. "I cannot love another person until I know more about myself, Tea. It is not that I cannot see potential---please, do not think that. It is just that I must know myself best, to know what exactly I need and want when I have a relationship with another person. Just understand: it cannot be, not right now."

Tea wiped her eyes quickly, trying her best not to cry. "Yami..."

"It is best, Tea. Please...do not waste your energy on me." Yami turned slightly away, moving to walk away, and Tea caught his arm gently.

"But I wouldn't be wasting myself, Yami," she pleaded quietly. "I...I know enough about you to know that I love you. You are a great duelist, a strong leader, and so valiant. You are protective of Yugi and all of us, and you fight for the good in the world."

"Yes, I do," Yami replied patiently. "But I must know why I am motivated to do these things. I must know my past in order to proceed with the future." He looked at her carefully, and smiled. "Do know that I count on you as one of Yugi's closest friends, and I know that your heart is steadfast enough to support both of us in this next tournament. I will need your support above all."

Tea's heart cried pitifully, but she stood tall, keeping her eyes as dry as they could be. Painting a smile on her face, she looked down at Yami. "Well...I'll be on the sidelines, then," she said softly.

"Thank you," Yami said genuinely. Turning with masculine grace, he walked down the sidewalk to the Game Shop, leaving Tea alone as the sun set behind the Domino City skyline. The late afternoon rays reflected on her eyes brightly, and her first tear slid down her cheek, sparkling in golden sunset light as it fell.

:Later that evening...:

Tea sat alone in her bedroom, staring out the window toward the Game Shop. She watched as Yugi swept the floor inside, watched as he dumped the contents of the dustpan into the trash, and watched as the lights went out, signaling the end of the day. Sighing, she turned away from her window and wiped her already-red eyes with a tissue, trying to stop herself from spinning into yet another crying fit.

A soft knock at her bedroom door took her by surprise. "What is it?" she called, her voice choked by tears.

"Tea, dear?" It was her mother's voice. "I believe one of your friends is here."

"Is it Yugi?" Her heart leaped momentarily to her throat again. Had Yami come by to see her?

"No, it's that tall boy---you know...he has that, um, rather pointy hairstyle..."

"Oh, that would be Tristan," Tea said, giggling a little at her mother's description of her friend. She did feel a little disappointment, but she needed someone to talk to about what Yami had said.

"Would you like me to invite him in?" her mother asked. "I...I know you've needed your time alone..." She trailed off. "I---I just thought I might ask..."

"Yes," Tea said, as calmly as she could. "Tell him to come on up." She sniffled quickly and wiped her eyes again.

"All right." Her mother's footsteps departed for the stairs, and Tea heard her call down to Tristan. A few seconds later, the distinctive clomping of his boots on the stairs and in the hallway announced his presence.

"Hey there, Tea," he said jauntily as he came in. His mood dropped, however, when he saw her sitting amidst a sea of tissues on her bed, wiping her eyes with yet another one.

"Oh, my God, what's happened to you?" He rushed to her side, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Tea shook her head and stayed quiet, clenching the tissue in her fist and letting out a choked sob.

"Please..." Tristan's voice was quiet as he pleaded with Tea to speak. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

"It---it's noth---nothing, Tristan," Tea sobbed out, as fresh tears came to her eyes. "I'm---I'm ju—just b-being stu---stupid..." Her eyes spilled over, and she collapsed forward on her elbows, her face buried in her hands. The violent sobs wracked her body, so much so that Tristan could feel the vibrations even in her shoulders. He patted her back gently as she cried.

"You're not being stupid," he reassured her. "Please...tell me what's got you so torn up."

Tea wiped her eyes and sniffled back tears, then cleared her throat to try to speak. "Oh, it's just I loved...and I didn't know he couldn't love, and then I was so crazy and thought just about me when I should have thought about him, and..." She stopped herself with a sob, and started to cry again.

"Wait, who are we talking about?" Tristan asked.

"Y—Yami," she said faintly. "I---I told him today that I loved him, and he...he told me he can't right now."

"Oh, shit."

"Ye—yeah," Tea stuttered. "And...and I don't know what to do..."

Tristan sighed. "Tea...do you really know that much about Yami? I mean, all this time before, we've not really known what was happening to Yugi when he started a duel and became this...other, powerful guy."

"I...I know that," Tea said, sniffling. "It's just that I thought I knew him well enough. You know? And then when we spent so much time together today...I just felt so happy and safe...and he defended me when that crazy guy wanted to have a date with me. I thought maybe he stood up for me because he loved me."

"Um...maybe he does," Tristan said quietly.

"But...then why would he say he can't love me? It---it doesn't make any sense!" Her voice rose into a wail at the end of her sentence, and another crying fit started up, reducing her to a trembling, sobbing little girl again. Tristan sat with her silently, not knowing what more to say.

After a few minutes, Tea calmed down, and she sniffled and got another tissue, wiping at her eyes again. "I'm sorry, Tristan," she apologized softly. "I...I shouldn't be so messed up like this."

"Well...you wanna know what I think?" Tristan said gently. "I think he does love you. And before you say anything about it not making sense," he said, preemptively shushing Tea with a grin, "think about what's going on with Yugi right now. The whole town's getting ready to start this humongous Duel Monsters tournament, and who knows how it's going to end. And there are those creepy guys with the capes, and it seems like they're all out to get Yugi for one reason or another."

"God, I forgot about that," Tea said, her voice subdued.

"And you even told me about that lady at the museum...Izu-something..."

"Ishizu," Tea suggested.

"Yeah, that was it. You told me she was telling Yami that this whole tournament's outcome rides on his shoulders. Something about he's destined to fight this evil that's threatening to take over. He's got a lot of shit to do, in other words. Maybe the timing's just off."

"But I'm scared, Tristan..." Tea said, her eyes welling up with tears at the thought that came to her mind. "I'm scared that I'm going to wait through this whole tournament and then find out he still can't love me."

"And you know what? That might happen," Tristan said, "but then again, it might not. Remember what Yami says at the beginning of almost every duel? He says that he believes in the heart of the cards, and has faith that they will bring him through and make him victorious."

"Yeah...I always liked that speech," Tea said, smiling in spite of her feelings. "He's always so firm and strong in his faith like that."

"And don't you always tell us to keep holding together when Yugi or Joey is dueling, because friendship is the bond that will help us defeat our enemies?"

"Well...yeah, because it's what helps me feel stronger when I need to be," Tea replied.

"OK then," Tristan said patiently. "Why don't you start believing that this will pass? Just keep supporting him, keep cheering him on, and be there for him when he needs it. And all the time, keep believing that he will be able to love you, once all the demands are met and everything."

"You really think I could do that?"

"Tea, you can do anything," came the firm response. "You've always believed in the power of friendship, so why not transfer it to this?"

"I...I guess..." Tea said slowly. "But...I'm still afraid."

"Of course you're afraid. But nothing is sure in life, and even if Yami says he can't love you now, there's no guarantee that his opinion will stay that way." Tristan paused, and took a deep breath. "Please...just try it," he said quietly. "I hate to see my friends cry."

Finally, Tea smiled genuinely. "Thanks, Tristan." She hugged him tightly, a sob shuddering through her at the pure kindness that he had shown her.

:POV Change:

Yugi looked over to Tea's window from his own, seeing her embracing Tristan tearfully, and sighed.

"She's been crying over there for the past two hours," he said quietly, looking over to Yami, whose shadowy shape appeared to lean against the dresser.

"I hurt her badly, Yugi," Yami said, his eyes distant with contemplation and regret. "I just...we can't risk her getting hurt. What if I did date her, and the Rare Hunters captured her in an attempt to get to me?"

"But Yami, I know that you love her," Yugi said, almost pleadingly. "Why else would you have defended her today?"

"I have had feelings for her before..." The spirit paused. "But I can't spend time with her. She needs much more than I can give, and you know that, Yugi."

"Well..." Yugi fell silent for a minute. "I just wish she understood that you still do care about her." He looked over to his darkness. "I know you still do."

Yami smiled sadly. "I wish I could say that."

"What?" Yugi turned to face Yami, a look of disbelief on his cherubic face. "Yami, you can't mean that." He folded his arms. "I'm bonded with you, remember? I'm part of your spirit---I can feel the pang of love in your heart when you look at her."

"But, Yugi---"

"Please, Yami, don't make excuses," Yugi said, with a tinge of exasperation in his voice. "Love burned in you once..."

"And sometimes love dies," Yami finished, his voice firm. "I think that whatever I may have felt for her is flickering out, to use your analogy."

"Why?"

"I...I can't say." For the first time, the spirit's face held a look of confusion, and he looked away quickly.

"Yami..." Yugi walked over to Yami, looking him in the eye. "After all the romantic feelings and thoughts I've felt and heard when you thought your soul room was closed off...you cannot tell me you don't feel something for her."

Yami raised an eyebrow. "That was a long time ago."

"Oh, no, Yami...this has been very recently." Yugi crossed his arms. "I hope you don't think you can put much past me." He smiled confidently, knowing he was right in this case.

Unwittingly, Yami blushed a little. "You...you heard things?"

"Yes, and I felt them too," Yugi replied. "Whether you want to love her or not, Yami, you do." A wise smile spread across the young features. "And once you know more about yourself, you'll know that she's really what you want."

Turning away from Yami momentarily, Yugi turned back the covers in his bed. "I'm going to sleep, Yami...perhaps you should rest, too. It's been a stressful day for both of us." He climbed into bed, closing his violet eyes as soon as his head rested on the pillow.

A few minutes passed, and gentle, quiet snores told Yami that his light was resting well. He looked down kindly at Yugi, now peaceful in sleep, and walked slowly over to the window, which faced Tea's bedroom window. Gazing out at the world, Yami saw Tea rocking back and forth on her bed, alone in the dim moonlit room. Her face was mottled and reddened from crying, and her shoulders still shook with occasional sobs.

He touched the window gently, caressing the glass barrier between them. "I'm so sorry for doing this to her..." he said quietly. "But I need to know myself before I can know her more. I'm afraid I'll hurt her. I'm afraid..." He trailed off, thinking very hard, and his slender hand slipped down the window, coming to rest at his side.

:POV Change:

Tea finally looked up from her hands, which were wet from her tears, and let out a shuddering sob. The moon poured its light into her room, casting the objects in sharp, lonely relief, and she lay back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to take her mind off Yami. But the haunting gaze of his crimson eyes still penetrated her soul, even from the image in her memory. His words resounded in her mind: "Understand: it cannot be, not right now."

The sentence brought still more tears to her eyes, but instead of crying more, she focused on his last words: "not right now." It was as if he saw potential, and perhaps did love her. "Maybe Tristan was right," she said softly to herself. "Maybe I should keep hope alive."

She turned over onto her left side, facing the window, and a slight movement caught her eye. It originated in Yugi's bedroom, which, oddly, was still lit up, even though Yugi would have normally been asleep for awhile.

Tea thought she saw something at his bedroom window...but was she dreaming? It was a shadowy figure, someone who looked like...

"Is that Yami?" she asked herself aloud. The hair was different from Yugi's...some golden spikes of hair arching upwards, some falling over the face. The slightly taller height and broader shoulders looked so much older than Yugi. She looked at the face and knew for sure---the stronger, heavier structure of his face, and the large eyes, now crimson instead of violet, gave his identity away.

As she watched, Yami reached up and touched the window longingly, his ghostly hand shimmering in the light from the bedroom, and she could have sworn he was staring straight at her. And...were those tears in his eyes?

"He loves me," Tea whispered to herself, without thinking. Then the realization of what she had said hit her, and she smiled. "Tristan was right," she said. "It's only a matter of time." She closed her eyes, and finally drifted off to sleep, comforted by her epiphany.

:POV Change:

Yami looked through the window at Tea, now sleeping peacefully on her side, with a gentle smile on her face. A similar smile spread across his own face, and the tension relaxed from his shoulders.

"Not right now, Tea," he said quietly, "but soon." Turning away from the window, he turned off the light in the bedroom and shimmered slowly out of sight, leaving Yugi's bedroom quiet and still.


End file.
